Progress in Another Form: a Recap of the Fundraiser

The Short of it:

• We collected a suitcase full of baby supplies that weighs significantly more than I do.


• We raised $1333.00, with $485.00 of it designated for the 50/50 raffle winner.


• We drew the raffle winner this morning : Mike Holt.


• Mike, who also happened to attend the party, talk to everyone at it, AND stay until the very end, insisted that we keep his jackpot for the cause.

The Long of it:

I really thought we'd have a travel date to go and get Acacia by now. We are likely still anywhere from a few weeks to a few months away from having her home, and as I've said before, it's the unknown that's putting me over the edge.

Riding the wave of emotions in the past few months hasn't been easy to say the least. I am someone who lives by the principle of "high ideals, low expectations." I know how I want things to be, but I don't ever expect much, thus I'm more often pleasantly surprised than I am disappointed. However, my general rule doesn't apply to wanting my baby home. That exception is all about hoping for the best, and expecting the best... because how could I do anything else? Though as a result, I've experienced a lot of let downs.

The fundraiser was that kind of thing that had me returning to my low-expectation standby. I didn't want to get too confident that we'd get a good turn out or collect many supplies. I'm also not the fundraising type... I hesitate to put others in the position of feeling obligated to give. The whole thing was out of my comfort zone, yet it still felt like something that I needed to do.

I was admittedly a little discouraged when I didn't hear from some of the people I expected I would. Patrick sensed this, and did his best to encourage me that we'd have a great time. I did my best to remember this wasn't all about me, but about Acacia and her fellow buddies from her orphanage. It was tough, but I still found myself adding small details to the event to honor those kids. This included making a large batch of little lapel ribbons to wear at the event.

At the peak of last night's get-together, with the colors of the Ethiopian flag pinned to every shirt and blouse, I truly did feel a unification. There were people who were there for us, because they've always been there for us. We need that, and we couldn't be more thankful for that. There were also people who made an appearance because they really believe in what we're doing, and I was so touched by the conversations that revolved around this. There were a few friendships from the past that feel rekindled as a result of the evening. At 13 months old, Acacia has already managed to connect me to, reconnect me to, or deepen my connection with so many different people. This notion, along with the copious amount of donations we've collected, has put me at peace with the delays we've faced. We didn't let this extra time go to waste.

A few of Zinnia's teachers came to represent, showing me that Zinnia has, and needs, support in this endeavor, too. Her school put out their own collection box, unprompted, and such initiative speaks volumes. Another teacher was our babysitter for the night, gave Zinnia great care (as Zinnia will tell me everything!), and gave us total peace of mind while we were out. We came home to a sleeping kid with a glowing report.

When we drew the raffle winner today, I was really excited to see it was our friend Mike. He added a lot of energy to last night's outing, and it felt fitting that he'd get the other half of the pot. I was overcome with so much emotion when he told me he wanted us to keep it, and that there was no changing his mind. His generosity, which is a conglomeration of everyone's generosity, is appreciated, inspiring, and completely restoring. As I talked with him and recapped the evening, I felt like life's lessons were hitting me left and right. At a time where it's been hard to feel much progress in any area of my life, I suddenly realized that I haven't been as idle as I'd thought.

Again, thanks to everyone who participated, who came out with us, who added a tube of diaper cream to the pile, who has prayed for us, who has written us an encouraging message, or who simply reads this blog and silently cheers us on. I can see clearly at this moment that it has made all the difference.

Please make a promise. A call to my collegues in health and human services.

Just a quick update. Acacia's paperwork was not accepted by the US Embassy in Ethiopia today to process her visa. It was submitted and then returned because we were missing a report from the orphanage that would verify her official status. In the past the US embassy was rather straight forward with their disbursement of visas, but they have recently become pickier.

A quick primer about the process: at this point Ethiopia has already named Killeen and I as Acacia’s parents. Adoptions in Ethiopia are irreversible, and this was made clear by the judge when we first traveled. Bottom line, legally we are the only family that Acacia will ever have.

So, what is the purpose of the US embassy highly scrutinizing cases? My idealistic side says they are doing their part to assure that children are not being illegally trafficked through the system. However, if they did determine that a child was trafficked, the adoption cannot be reversed. So they would simply be assuring that this child would not be able to enter the US, and would be permanently separated from any family unless those adoptive parents became expatriates and moved to Ethiopia. My cynical side says that the US wants to appear tough on trafficking. I say this because a CNN story about three years ago exposed several adoption agencies in Ethiopia that were illegally trafficking children. Shortly after this, every government agency in Ethiopia tightened their process and added extra layers of bureaucracy (which is a separate gripe). The US embassy seems to be following the same process, so they aren’t the only person at the party, left to point the finger at if another trafficking scandal appears. In other words they want to be able to say, “We’ve cracked down on trafficking, just like Ethiopia.” The end result is a policy that hurts the intended population, and simply works to deflect blame. Acacia is our daughter, you are just stalling her homecoming.

My fellow human service and public health practitioners…please take a moment to reaffirm your practice…and make a promise to yourself that you will not support/make policy that hurts your population for the sole purpose of your agency’s PR. That is the most positive nugget I can pull out of this HIGHLY discouraging day. So we now wait longer.

Our Fundraiser!

[photo: a mother & daughter in the alley way of their home. Taken outside of the House of Hope, where we stayed during our trip to meet Acacia]

We're on the final stretch of the path to Acacia, and man is it hard to wait. So... we're focusing our energies on something positive: A fundraiser to help Numan Orphanage (where Acacia is from), and Acacia's adoption, which currently totals about 25K!

How to support:

50/50 Raffle*

All you have to do to enter is click the DONATE button on the right (you don't need a pay-pal account; it accepts credit cards).

1 for $1.00, 6 for $5.00. Drawing will be held on 9/18, the day after our:

Fundraiser Event
Strangebrew Tavern
Saturday, 9/17, 4pm and on
Manchester NH
CLICK HERE to RSVP!

This event is an excuse to get together, and do something great for Acacia's orphanage. I might add that the beer selection is fabulous, and the day's specials include 1/2 off apps and 3.00 beer specials from 4-7pm. We are requesting that all attendees come with an item from the following list, which we will bring with us on our return trip to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia (please ensure items have an expiration date of at least one year out).

• Diaper rash ointment
• Anti-fungal cream
• Zinc oxide ointment
• Hydrocortisone cream
• Multi-vitamins for Babies
• Cloth Diapers
• Similac Infant formula
• Baby Lotion - 0-2 years old

50/50 raffle tickets will be available that day, and there will also be a separate raffle on location for some fun prizes (more details to come).

Hope to see you there!!!

* Our 50/50 raffle is more like a 50/25/25 raffle- the amount we raise will be split between our own expenses, and a donation to Numan Orphanage in rural Assela, Ethiopia

Discoveries and disclosures.

Anyone who's ever been pregnant, and gotten very close to -if not gone over- their due date, knows how painful it is to hear over and over again the phrase "Still no baby yet?!" At that point, it's hard to refrain from pointing out that the oversized basketball under your shirt should be a clear indication that no, there is still no baby yet.

Adoption is about a thousand times worse. The obvious basketball isn't there to tip the inquirer off, and the question doesn't hold a black-or-white type of answer. And of course, it's actually a much more valid question, given that we rely on governmental agencies, and not nature's course, for some resolution- aka, the anticipated arrival of baby.

So, take the 39-weeks-pregnant scenario, and pretend that your doctor suddenly informs you that there was a mistake in the due date estimation... and you're really only 36 weeks pregnant. And here you'd thought all along that you were almost there. That's what happened to us this week.

Long story short, there's a group of ten families a week or so ahead of us, and another group a few weeks behind. We were a lonely group of one, happening to travel at a time no one else did. When the post-court approval stuff started happening, we were in the first group. We got a few updates along the way, but then we stopped hearing things. I told myself to just be patient, for if the agency had things to tell us, they'd tell us. Yet other families seemed to know so much more, posting all kinds of info that we'd never been tipped off to. It started to make me a little crazy, hunting down info through facebook status updates and adoption message boards. Then I realized that all of this hunting wasn't helping... especially when families started getting submitted to the embassy, and we hadn't a clue where our case was at.

Somewhere along the way, we shifted from the first group to the second group. We were told Acacia's visa medical was complete, when in actuality, it hasn't even happened yet. Communication between US staff and Ethiopia staff got crossed, and it never became clear until today that our case had fallen behind in the process just after birth certificates had been obtained. Our consultant apologized profusely for the oversight. Strangely, even though it's a major set back, I feel so much better knowing what happened vs. sitting here each night wondering why we feel like the only family not getting an update. The good news is that we now have a group- a "home" for the moment, anyway. Even if it delays the process, I guess it was meant to be this way for a reason. Fate's grand plan. Which reminds me...

We've been rather alone in another way, too. Adoption and religion are tightly knit. God speaks to many loving families, and helps them realize that His plan for them is adoption. It's a wonderful thing. And while I believe in God, and Jesus, I also believe in Buddah, and Shiva, and Gaia, and every other supreme being that spiritually moves the human race. When I see a "Coexist" bumper sticker (the one that spells out the words in multiple religious and spiritual symbols), well, that sums up my beliefs. And while I am very content and proud of the way I perceive spirituality, I can't help but feel that, by not serving one God, I miss the opportunity for an amazing support group. I see other families surviving this process through their devotion to God. They pray together; they create an amazing energy that I wholeheartedly beleive in. They find solace, and answers, for every frustration this process brings... all through the guidance of the Lord. I know I may as well wear a sign that says "Save me." But, that expereince has already happened, and it isn't my path to follow. All the same, I often wish it were.

So, the take aways from this weeks post:
1) You may ask me how the adoption is going, but in all likelihood, there won't be anything to report until after labor day. And, I may burst into tears if you ask me before then!
2) I am feeling very isolated as I deal with the stress of waiting for Acacia to come home. And, while I can't find the same comfort in God that most families seem to find, I do pray in my own ways, and appreciate your prayers - of any origin - in the biggest way possible.

When?

Now that we are officially the parents of TWO amazing little girls, the big question is: "So when do you get to bring Acacia home?"

Here's the quick rundown -

• We passed court at the end of July, and got the news on 8/2 that our adoption decree was complete.


• This week, we got a copy of the decree translated into English. We also got word that Acacia's passport had been picked up, and that she was scheduled to go a medical appt. that's required prior to obtaining her visa.


• Next week, everything will be submitted to the US Embassy, and we'll await word from them on when we are clear to travel. Sometimes, the embassy requests additional information beyond what's in our dossier (that stack of paperwork that took us a year to complete). If so, the clearance may be delayed a few days to a few weeks. Typically, a family is cleared 2-3 weeks after the submission.


• When we are clear, our agency will choose three potential dates for us to have our visa appointment at the embassy. The embassy will respond back with the actual date of the appointment, and only THEN can we book our flight to bring Acacia home. The booking will happen only 1-2 weeks prior to departure!

In summary, we expect to travel in mid-September, but it could be a little earlier, or a little later, because as always, the adoption process is most unpredictable.

I always remind myself that, though she is coming back with us to the place we consider home, she will be further away from "home" than ever before. Everything she knows and understands is about to change. As we can attest, all sights, sounds and smells in Ethiopia are a 180 from what we know in the US. Add infancy into the mix, and Acacia is in for quite the surprise.

The best way to empathize with her is through an exercise I found in this blog: http://shaungroves.com/2011/01/the-list/
...really thought provoking stuff.

An update and a favor. (by Killeen)

I've gotten a lot of face-to-face and written inquiries about where we are at with Acacia and the adoption process. I wanted to give a quick update.

Our court date, in which we consented to adopt Acacia and accept her as a permanent member of our family, took place on July 8th. It was quick, to the point, and so efficient it almost baffled me that we had to be there in person. Regardless, we made the trip, had an amazing, eye-popping, heart-warming experience, and happily acknowledged that this "irreversible adoption was forever in the eyes of the law" before an incredibly serious judge.

Then I cried, not from joy, but from the knowledge that we had to say goodbye for what suddenly felt like a very long time. The approval letter will come in approximately 3 weeks, they said. We could go back another 6 weeks after that, they told us. So, about 2 1/2 months. It didn't seem like a very long time. Not until I left.

I had planned to write a letter to Acacia on the plane ride home. Something that I could give her on a later birthday; something that explained as much as I could possibly gather about where she was from and what I knew of her life thus far, and explained how it felt to meet her. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't even think about her without feeling absolute grief. It took many days before I could look at any pictures or watch any videos we took. I liken it to giving birth, and having to leave the hospital without your baby. The feeling is no different, and I never could have believed that until now.

Today marks 3 weeks since our court date. I've had ups and downs. Zinnia has made it bearable. She's such a bright light in my world, and even in moments of sheer tantrum, I haven't taken her for granted for one second since we returned. I have also learned that the love for one child cannot make up for the feelings of loss of another. As much as Zinnia is the perfect daughter, she does not replace the void of Acacia. Again, I wouldn't have believed it could be so hard had I not met Acacia already. I guess, in some ways, it's a good thing to learn: I love that kid as my own, official or not.

Still... that official part is pivotal in getting her home. The Ethiopian courts close in a week or two. We need that letter before closure, or else we won't get it until they reopen in October. Two months could turn into five. It's the worst case scenario for us, but a scenario none-the-less.

In closing, please keep us in your thoughts this week as we hope for good news. Saturday, 8/6, is Acacia's first birthday, and it's all I can do to hope that she receives the (official) gift of a family. I have created an "event" on Facebook with the thought that I can save a copy of her virtual birthday party. I know, it's a little silly sounding, but I think it may mean something to her someday, to know that she was thought of by multiple people on a big day in her life, regardless of where she was. Please click attend & send her a birthday wish on Saturday if you can. :)

Amesegenalew

(I suggest watching in full screen:)


The Amharic word for thank you is pronounced Ah-Meh-Seg-Hay-Nah-Lay-Hoo. Which is not easy to recall when an Ethiopian stands before you deserving this salutation. Most of the time the familiar "thank you" slips out, but there have been a few times in a day I can recall the word.

It's 4:00 AM in Addis Ababa on Friday morning and my mind will not let me rest. The task of processing my relationship with Acacia and my first trip to Africa is too consuming. I could watch television, but the rainy season results in daily power outages. We are located at our agency's guest house, about 15 minutes from the children's transitional facility. The area is a blend of residential and commercial that would induce a cold sweat for even the most relaxed zoning board in New Hampshire. There are major roads that are paved, with the look of a drive down Main Street in Derry, NH or Gravois in St. Louis. Turning off the main roads you reach an extensive network of dirt paths that are more densely populated. These paths are full of stone and metal shacks without a hint of open space. When all the doors and gates are closed, it has the feel of an open air multi-colored tunnel. Nearly everything is painted a bright color, regardless if its a make shift door out of scrap metal or an ornate wooden gate.

Behind each wall is a family, a court yard, or a shop. During the day the city opens many of their doors affording you a chance to see what's inside. For the shacks there are the expected produce and variety shops. Then there are the less expected auto part shops, which would lead me to believe that Ethiopia supplies the world, but we are told this is just the district for such goods. Finally, there are open doors that just reveal families sitting on the floor with exhausted faces and a general ambivalence about what they should be doing.

The stone walls with metal gates provide a different picture. While adjacent to the shacks they only seem to open for entry and exit. When returning to our guest house, a quick horn from the van is followed by a guard sticking his head out of the gate. The gate opens and we enter into a sizable stone courtyard. I've seen a few others and they all appear to have a similar layout. Enough room to park two cars, allow walking access to one or two building/room(s) that are located inside the walls of the property, space for a few plants and maybe a small table. While a bit cramped, I believe it is considered spacious for Addis.

Our days have been spent between our guest house and the transitional facility. We make the round trip at least twice a day via our agency's transport van. Each time we arrive our driver washes the van. Every time, even though we will just get back in the van and rive on the same muddy path in a few short hours. There is just something important about that van being clean. This is not a unique phenomena to this single driver. I'm beginning to realize that if it can be cleaned, someone in Addis is ALREADY cleaning it. Everyone is washing either a car, laundry, a wall, a floor, a tire, a chair, etc... All is being purified, even though we are in the middle of the rainy season. Soon the sky will cloud over, the rain will fall, the earth will soften and whatever it was that you cleaned will be dirty again. Yet it doesn't matter, that is the pattern, and the society embraces it.

There is little wasted in Addis. I've seen many delivery boys moving carts full of glass coke bottles. Coke that is so delicious by the absence of plastic bottles and high fructose corn syrup. While I've seen these bottles on our dinning room table, I've also seen them strategically broken and installed on the tops of shack walls to prevent intruders. Even further I saw two men playing checkers with the metal cap, while sitting on old tires. Caps up and down distinguishing the allegiance of each game piece. I am so inspired by the resourcefulness of the population and an acceptance of working with what they have. Of course I'm not naive enough to believe they necessarily have a choice.

I could say that work is hard to find in Addis and wages are low so the majority of this neighborhood sits around. But I don't know that this is true. What I do know is that I am thankful that I have a family and a wonderful new daughter. A daughter that can embrace where she comes from, but doesn't have to struggle through the hardships that I've seen over the last few days. It is important to understand that we are not saving her. She would have had a life in Ethiopia and from my brief experience with her personality, I know she would have had a good life. What we are offering her is a platform to further reach her greatest potential.

We leave for the US soon, and I say Amesegenalehew for my safe and comfortable life, as this trip has further let me appreciate this.