We have our court date! We leave for Addis Ababa, Ethiopia on July 4th, and will give our consent to the judge to adopt Acacia on July 8th. If all goes as planned, we will return 6 weeks later to bring her home. With less than a month to plan for trip #1, we are just slightly freaking out. :) So hard to believe we'll be meeting our daughter in mere days.
We recently went to a travel clinic, and got our arms stuck full of vaccinations (5 a piece) and left with two only-if-needed perscriptions, and a card for our passports that deems us safeguarded against Yellow Fever. I think it took that appointment for it all to finally sink in; we're really doing this.
We've started some conversations with Zinnia about the trip and why we're going. She gets it, sort of. I think I'm more worried about her adventures without us than I am about our own distant travels. She will be in good hands, but I know I'm going to miss her like crazy.
2 weeks ago, Zinnia transitioned to her "big girl bed," which is actually quite tiny. Regardless, she can get in and out of it at will. I don't want to jinx us, but she's been a rockstar with it! It's a common occurrence to go into her room at 11pm and find her smack dab in the middle of it, curled up on the floor amongst a slew of stuffed animals... but she's happily asleep and is plunked back onto the mattress none-the-wiser, so who cares?!
The interesting thing is, there was no need to pack up the crib. So, as it once waited for Zinnia to make her entrance into the world and our lives, it now awaits little Acacia to fill it up.
This part of the wait has been a lot harder. Acacia is real now, and I often wonder what the heck she's up to, all those miles and time zones away from us. Just learned that Ethiopia begins potty training at 9 months; let's hope she's taking to it well!
Our next post will likely be coming from Africa - stay tuned.....
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
"I was thrilled to have the opportunity to offer the only referral this week; a beautiful 8 ½ month old girl. The family waited just 6 ½ months to be matched."
That's an excerpt from last week's Ethiopia Adoption Update.... and that family is US! We got the call during the work day; and I can't tell you how exciting it was to get home and open up an email containing photographs of our daughter-to-be.
I am not permitted to share details over the WWW in any way, but I can tell you that I'm looking at her picture right now, and she's absolutely beautiful. She has large, wide-set dark eyes and very full lips. Upon review of her medical records by our pediatrician, she is deemed in great health, and hits the 50% percentile for both height and weight, which is awesome news.
We love her birth name, and have dubbed it to be her middle name (another detail I can't post). Now comes the hardest part... awaiting our court date. Families generally travel for court 2-3 months after the referral is accepted, but with all the changes to the program (see last post), it could take longer. Our adoption counselor was optimistic, however, that we wouldn't be too far off base for our date. Once we have that, it all becomes very real.
In the meantime, we are enjoying the new feeling of being a family of 4. Also, we want to thank everyone who's helped us get to this point. Whether it was writing a reference letter, purchasing a fundraising flower, or just taking an active interest; there's been a lot of support and we couldn't appreciate it more.
More soon, I hope. :)
That's an excerpt from last week's Ethiopia Adoption Update.... and that family is US! We got the call during the work day; and I can't tell you how exciting it was to get home and open up an email containing photographs of our daughter-to-be.
I am not permitted to share details over the WWW in any way, but I can tell you that I'm looking at her picture right now, and she's absolutely beautiful. She has large, wide-set dark eyes and very full lips. Upon review of her medical records by our pediatrician, she is deemed in great health, and hits the 50% percentile for both height and weight, which is awesome news.
We love her birth name, and have dubbed it to be her middle name (another detail I can't post). Now comes the hardest part... awaiting our court date. Families generally travel for court 2-3 months after the referral is accepted, but with all the changes to the program (see last post), it could take longer. Our adoption counselor was optimistic, however, that we wouldn't be too far off base for our date. Once we have that, it all becomes very real.
In the meantime, we are enjoying the new feeling of being a family of 4. Also, we want to thank everyone who's helped us get to this point. Whether it was writing a reference letter, purchasing a fundraising flower, or just taking an active interest; there's been a lot of support and we couldn't appreciate it more.
More soon, I hope. :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Timing is everything - by Killeen
I’m pretty surprised to see that our last post was dated 8/8. Besides getting on the “official” waitlist in October, there had been minimal info to share, until now. While we still wait for a child to be referred to us, we believe we are VERY close to the news. Our agency cannot give us a distinct indication as to our place in the queue, as there are various factors that change that position frequently. Instead, we rely on the statistic info in our weekly email updates from our adoption team as an indicator of how close we are, given the similarities between the referrals and our request for the child’s age and gender. Usually, the referral list is short, with maybe one or two new referrals, if any. On April 1st, this was the list we received:
3 month old boy to a family that waited 19 months (family recently switched from requesting siblings to one child)*
3.5 month old boy to a family that waited 11 months
4 month old boy to a family that waited 10 months
3.5 month old boy-family waited 8 months
4 month old boy –family waited 8 months
3 month old girl-family waited 7 months
3 month old girl-family waited 7 months
3 month old girl-family waited 6 months
5.5 month old girl- family waited 6 months
4.5 month old girl- family waited 5.5 months!
*(this is a good example of why position on the wait list can change)
Because we hit the wait list in mid-October, we’d been waiting 5 ½ months at the time of the update. Given the last 3 referrals in the list, it feels like we’re close. And, we’d be ecstatic, if it weren’t for this kicker….
The Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) plays a crucial role in finalizing adoption by processing and reviewing all the necessary paperwork to make it a done deal. Last month, due to time and resource constraints, they ruled to reduce their processing averages from 25 cases a day down to 5. Their intent is to give each case the due diligence it deserves, and to protect the integrity of the adoption process while providing better safeguards for potential adoptive parents (PAPs) and children. USCIS (U.S. Central Immigration Services) continues to support the Ethiopian adoption program (thankfully!) and while they believe it boasts many positives, they also think there are areas where the program can vastly improve. The delay in case processing is in attempt to make such improvements. It all sounds great… but us PAPs have one huge question: How long do we have to wait now??
No one knows. Potentially, we could get our referral tomorrow, and subsequently wait months and months (a year?) to be able to travel for our court date (versus the average 3 months). All the while, our baby girl is growing up without us as we wait for our case to be processed. Weird. I anticipated returning to the states with Zinnia’s baby sister, not her toddler sister. Of course, this may not be the case at all – it’s just too soon to tell. It’s not the waiting that’s getting me, it’s the ambiguity. I’ve actually surprised myself at how little I’ve freaked out about any of this. I partially attribute it to the surreality of it all. I know it’s eventually going to happen, but it’s so hard to imagine.
Our agency is super positive and gives me a lot of confidence that everything will work out. They’ve been up front from day one that international adoption requires ultimate patience and the ability to accept the unexpected. Though, I can’t help but feel like, had we just gotten on that list a month earlier, we may have skirted this issue all together. Then I think back to the beginning of this journey, when one trip to Ethiopia was all that was required. The implementation of the two trip process happened right in the middle of our paperwork preparation. At that point, the thought of traveling across the world not once but twice was, understatedly, a lot to digest. Yet we were mentally invested in Acacia; we really didn’t skip so much as a beat.
This new speed bump is similar in the sense that, despite a massive change in process, we don’t see turning back as an option. Patrick and I barely even discussed it on that level – it’s almost like an unspoken understanding that for better or worse, we will see this through. We will ride out the path to Acacia, no matter how long, rocky, or indirect it may be.
As an aside – I have found it near impossible to keep up my etsy site with a very inquisitive, very precocious little 2 year old at my heels. And, as a working mom, I don’t see her enough as it is. I’m still selling direct, so contact me if you’re looking to update your floral accessory collection this spring. :)
3 month old boy to a family that waited 19 months (family recently switched from requesting siblings to one child)*
3.5 month old boy to a family that waited 11 months
4 month old boy to a family that waited 10 months
3.5 month old boy-family waited 8 months
4 month old boy –family waited 8 months
3 month old girl-family waited 7 months
3 month old girl-family waited 7 months
3 month old girl-family waited 6 months
5.5 month old girl- family waited 6 months
4.5 month old girl- family waited 5.5 months!
*(this is a good example of why position on the wait list can change)
Because we hit the wait list in mid-October, we’d been waiting 5 ½ months at the time of the update. Given the last 3 referrals in the list, it feels like we’re close. And, we’d be ecstatic, if it weren’t for this kicker….
The Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) plays a crucial role in finalizing adoption by processing and reviewing all the necessary paperwork to make it a done deal. Last month, due to time and resource constraints, they ruled to reduce their processing averages from 25 cases a day down to 5. Their intent is to give each case the due diligence it deserves, and to protect the integrity of the adoption process while providing better safeguards for potential adoptive parents (PAPs) and children. USCIS (U.S. Central Immigration Services) continues to support the Ethiopian adoption program (thankfully!) and while they believe it boasts many positives, they also think there are areas where the program can vastly improve. The delay in case processing is in attempt to make such improvements. It all sounds great… but us PAPs have one huge question: How long do we have to wait now??
No one knows. Potentially, we could get our referral tomorrow, and subsequently wait months and months (a year?) to be able to travel for our court date (versus the average 3 months). All the while, our baby girl is growing up without us as we wait for our case to be processed. Weird. I anticipated returning to the states with Zinnia’s baby sister, not her toddler sister. Of course, this may not be the case at all – it’s just too soon to tell. It’s not the waiting that’s getting me, it’s the ambiguity. I’ve actually surprised myself at how little I’ve freaked out about any of this. I partially attribute it to the surreality of it all. I know it’s eventually going to happen, but it’s so hard to imagine.
Our agency is super positive and gives me a lot of confidence that everything will work out. They’ve been up front from day one that international adoption requires ultimate patience and the ability to accept the unexpected. Though, I can’t help but feel like, had we just gotten on that list a month earlier, we may have skirted this issue all together. Then I think back to the beginning of this journey, when one trip to Ethiopia was all that was required. The implementation of the two trip process happened right in the middle of our paperwork preparation. At that point, the thought of traveling across the world not once but twice was, understatedly, a lot to digest. Yet we were mentally invested in Acacia; we really didn’t skip so much as a beat.
This new speed bump is similar in the sense that, despite a massive change in process, we don’t see turning back as an option. Patrick and I barely even discussed it on that level – it’s almost like an unspoken understanding that for better or worse, we will see this through. We will ride out the path to Acacia, no matter how long, rocky, or indirect it may be.
As an aside – I have found it near impossible to keep up my etsy site with a very inquisitive, very precocious little 2 year old at my heels. And, as a working mom, I don’t see her enough as it is. I’m still selling direct, so contact me if you’re looking to update your floral accessory collection this spring. :)
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Through Acacia's Eyes - By Patrick
On Saturday, we visited the 10th annual African and Caribbean festival in Manchester, NH. With Acacia (the name we will give to our adopted daughter) on the way, it only seemed logical to begin immersing ourselves in African culture and take advantage of what few opportunities New Hampshire has to offer. The event boasted food, dancing, and music as this Bizarre sprung up on Elm Street, serving as a cultural mirage to the ethnocentric desert of New Hampshire.
As we walked around I tried to look through Acacia’s eyes. At this moment, I was simulating her world. I was a minority and the entire day I would be aware of this. The smell of food was so elating (even the meat), and it was time to indulge. We secured a large piece of pineapple upside down cake and devoured it underneath the pavilion facing the stage. I was later told it wasn’t pineapple upside down cake, but a desert that contained the fruit and we ate it upside down.
Before long Zinnia’s sugar rush demanded that she depart from our comfortable patch of grass. She was up, she was happy, and she was running way. Like minutemen whose 60 seconds had arrived, Killeen and I rose to intercept her.
When we reached her a small black child was standing next to her. He smiled at her with a mouth full of decaying teeth that were quickly overshadowed by the warmth of his eyes. His smile transformed to a mischievous grin as he pulled Zinnia’s hat right off her head. He placed the pink sunhat on his own head. My muscles tensed as I watched my daughter’s bewilderment. I was first a protective father who sensed that his daughter was in danger. Then something deep inside hijacked my mind and filled me with fear. I saw flashes of summer’s spent in the Ozarks with cousins that believed blacks to be lesser people. I saw flashes of my neighborhood where my best friend of color was constantly watched with suspicion. These feelings and images were fragments from the soil of a childhood that was fertilized for the cultivation of stereotypes. “This little boy was stealing my daughter’s hat, because blacks are thieves.”
Quickly coming to my senses I regained composure and realized that he wasn’t stealing her hat. He was playing a joke on her. He ripped the hat off his head and then took turns placing it on Killeen and my head. His grin then returned as he once again reclaimed the hat, placed it back on Zinnia’s head, and gave her an enormous hug. This ritual repeated several times as Killeen and I stared on. Our trance was only broken by my arm, operating via autopilot, tapping Killeen with her camera in an effort to catch the moment. Thank you arm.
After the boy ran away, two things were obvious to me. The first was that I still harbor many of the stereotypes learned from my childhood. In time, I know I will be able to control and potentially eliminate the influence of these past thoughts. Second, I am not alone. Once Acacia has arrived, I will experience similar interactions from another perspective. However, simple and everyday actions that Acacia takes may have the same effect on others. As her father, I’ll need to say, “She’s just playing a game. She likes to take hats to get a reaction.” Of course this could all be solved by raising a child that doesn’t play jokes on others. Then again….have you met me?
On another note, I'm happy to report that our online shop has generated over 20 sales! Please continue to share the website and help Path to Acacia take off! Killeen and I have added some new items... check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Just Checking In. - by Killeen
It's been just over a month since my last post, so here's my attempt to keep the momentum going.
Summer has that nature of being busy, even when it seems like we've avoided making very many plans. Parenthood continues to present me with new challenges and new rewards. There are some moments when, as only a parent could truly understand, one asks herself, "Why, exactly did I want kids??? Why did I happily give up my sane, single lifestyle for a constant stream of chaos, mess, neediness (and laundry)?" Of course, those parents also understand how absolutely flooring it is to watch their children develop a sense of the world, a sense of self, and even a sense of humor. Zinnia tells jokes now- and THAT is worth all the mess in the universe to me.
It's those times when Zin and I share a laugh that I know it's not insane to be adopting kiddo #2. Yes, I look at the mom in the grocery store with the tantrum-throwing toddler and the crying, car-seat-laden infant and know that despite all my delusional confidence that I will NEVER be THAT mom... it's inevitable. I'm about to have my world rocked. I think my time with Patrick is scarce now, but just wait... right? Regardless of all that fear, and all those moments of "can I really do this?", Acacia will one day need me as much as Zinnia does. And, Zinnia will continue to need me, too. And, I will find a way to make it all work, because what choice to I otherwise have?
I'm an only child, and so is Patrick. And while I had the constant reassurance as a kid that brothers and sisters were the worst, it's in my adult life that I feel very empty for not having a sibling bond. Not even an in-law sibling bond. I cannot wait to see Zinnia meet her sister for the first time. She might not have the reaction I am idealistically envisioning, but to me, it will be really, really beautiful.
That moment is my motivation right now. Path to Acacia, in the sense of the business, is 9.00 away from hitting the $500 mark for sales. However, after a HUGE surge of orders at work (thank you!) including a bridesmaid order (double thank you!)... I'm left asking, "What now?"
I work for a retail company, so I know that July is a very, very low-spending month. But, the blooms must go on. To counter my own busy schedule I've generalized my postings on Path to Acacia's webpage. Barrettes have proved to be the most popular item in the last 2 months, and pretty much everyone that's ordered has picked a color, and told me to roll with it. In other words, people are more excited about wearing their flowers for Acacia than they are concerned about whether that flower is a daisy or a pansy or a dahlia. This lackadaisical attitude towards the purchase has proved to me that instead of posting each flower exactly as it exists, I can give a general idea of what the product is, and the customer will trust me to deliver something desirable.
It's been a long week, and after a few rewarded cocktails, I think I might be past the rambling stage. So before I get too sappy, or too personal, I will summarize:
Parenting is the hardest, and best thing I've ever experienced... and I can't wait for Acacia to get here.
Etsy site (the Path to Acacia website) is under a new format, barrette wise. I have 5 different color palettes posted- check it out, and share with your friends, please!
One last thing, and probably the most important thing to any of you that read this (and if you made it this far, gold star to you)....
We had our fingerprinting appt. a few weeks ago. Our dossier (fancy term for the NOVEL of paperwork that we must compile and send to our adoption agency) is complete once we get a mere few documents in the mail from Central Immigration Services. We are SO close to being on that waiting list. Right now, we've got about 50 people ahead of us in "line." Adoptions are happening at a rate of between 0-10 per month, I'd say. So, there's no telling how long we'll wait, but the first step is being able to "wait" at all. :)
Thanks for reading! http://www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia
Summer has that nature of being busy, even when it seems like we've avoided making very many plans. Parenthood continues to present me with new challenges and new rewards. There are some moments when, as only a parent could truly understand, one asks herself, "Why, exactly did I want kids??? Why did I happily give up my sane, single lifestyle for a constant stream of chaos, mess, neediness (and laundry)?" Of course, those parents also understand how absolutely flooring it is to watch their children develop a sense of the world, a sense of self, and even a sense of humor. Zinnia tells jokes now- and THAT is worth all the mess in the universe to me.
It's those times when Zin and I share a laugh that I know it's not insane to be adopting kiddo #2. Yes, I look at the mom in the grocery store with the tantrum-throwing toddler and the crying, car-seat-laden infant and know that despite all my delusional confidence that I will NEVER be THAT mom... it's inevitable. I'm about to have my world rocked. I think my time with Patrick is scarce now, but just wait... right? Regardless of all that fear, and all those moments of "can I really do this?", Acacia will one day need me as much as Zinnia does. And, Zinnia will continue to need me, too. And, I will find a way to make it all work, because what choice to I otherwise have?
I'm an only child, and so is Patrick. And while I had the constant reassurance as a kid that brothers and sisters were the worst, it's in my adult life that I feel very empty for not having a sibling bond. Not even an in-law sibling bond. I cannot wait to see Zinnia meet her sister for the first time. She might not have the reaction I am idealistically envisioning, but to me, it will be really, really beautiful.
That moment is my motivation right now. Path to Acacia, in the sense of the business, is 9.00 away from hitting the $500 mark for sales. However, after a HUGE surge of orders at work (thank you!) including a bridesmaid order (double thank you!)... I'm left asking, "What now?"
I work for a retail company, so I know that July is a very, very low-spending month. But, the blooms must go on. To counter my own busy schedule I've generalized my postings on Path to Acacia's webpage. Barrettes have proved to be the most popular item in the last 2 months, and pretty much everyone that's ordered has picked a color, and told me to roll with it. In other words, people are more excited about wearing their flowers for Acacia than they are concerned about whether that flower is a daisy or a pansy or a dahlia. This lackadaisical attitude towards the purchase has proved to me that instead of posting each flower exactly as it exists, I can give a general idea of what the product is, and the customer will trust me to deliver something desirable.
It's been a long week, and after a few rewarded cocktails, I think I might be past the rambling stage. So before I get too sappy, or too personal, I will summarize:
Parenting is the hardest, and best thing I've ever experienced... and I can't wait for Acacia to get here.
Etsy site (the Path to Acacia website) is under a new format, barrette wise. I have 5 different color palettes posted- check it out, and share with your friends, please!
One last thing, and probably the most important thing to any of you that read this (and if you made it this far, gold star to you)....
We had our fingerprinting appt. a few weeks ago. Our dossier (fancy term for the NOVEL of paperwork that we must compile and send to our adoption agency) is complete once we get a mere few documents in the mail from Central Immigration Services. We are SO close to being on that waiting list. Right now, we've got about 50 people ahead of us in "line." Adoptions are happening at a rate of between 0-10 per month, I'd say. So, there's no telling how long we'll wait, but the first step is being able to "wait" at all. :)
Thanks for reading! http://www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Good thing I like flowers... (by Killeen)
...because I'm all but swimming in them. It's been a really busy month for Path to Acacia, with over $300 in sales! It's been hard to juggle the full time job, the 18 month old beauty running circles around me, making all the flowers, and constant trips to the craft store for more supplies. But, the goal at the end of the proverbial path is keeping me motivated.
I've made several custom orders, which is a little more work (as I'm still building my flower bank and often don't have what I need on hand) - but is by all means my favorite way to work. I love seeing just the right flower on just the right person. :)
I've recently added headbands to this collection of floral fancies. They are by far the most dramatic selection of the adult-sized accessories, and they're really fun to wear. Check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia. And, if you'd like something custom, I will gladly work with you to create the right look.
And there you have the business report for Path to Acacia. As for the adoption, we're getting our medical letters notarized this week, which actually involves BRINGING a notary with us to the doctor's office. They sure don't make this stuff easy. The department of homeland security has cashed our check for fingerprinting, so we should have that appointment scheduled soon, and then... it all gets sent for review, and we should be officially on the list of waiting families.
Thanks for following - stay tuned for more updates soon.
I've made several custom orders, which is a little more work (as I'm still building my flower bank and often don't have what I need on hand) - but is by all means my favorite way to work. I love seeing just the right flower on just the right person. :)
I've recently added headbands to this collection of floral fancies. They are by far the most dramatic selection of the adult-sized accessories, and they're really fun to wear. Check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia. And, if you'd like something custom, I will gladly work with you to create the right look.
And there you have the business report for Path to Acacia. As for the adoption, we're getting our medical letters notarized this week, which actually involves BRINGING a notary with us to the doctor's office. They sure don't make this stuff easy. The department of homeland security has cashed our check for fingerprinting, so we should have that appointment scheduled soon, and then... it all gets sent for review, and we should be officially on the list of waiting families.
Thanks for following - stay tuned for more updates soon.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Almost Ready to Start the Wait. - by Patrick
The adoption paperwork has been a much slower process than I expected. Let us say that I was a bit cocky about our ability to be the fastest family in history to complete the process. We’re now approaching another world record for adoption paperwork, that of which I’ll keep to myself. However, regardless of the speed, the paper pushing is nearing an end. Soon we will assume our place on the list of families waiting for a referral. Right now there are 56 families waiting for this magical news. On average there are 3 families a week that receive a referral. While the wait will take time, we are still in the pre-waiting room. Compare it to the security screening for suspicious items by the TSA before you are even allowed to wait for your flight.
Currently we are completing an adoption course focused on the medical conditions of our child. While the training is dry for the typical reading time of 9pm, the information will be a great reference when Acacia is in our home. What has been most impacting is the sample police report for transferring a child to the orphanage. In this scenario, which is described to us as typical, the police were notified of the discovery of an abandoned infant. She was named Abeba which means flower because she was found in a garden. Two women were heading past the garden when they heard a baby’s cry. They approached the sound and found a baby wrapped in a cloth. Her umbilical cord was attached to her belly, she was covered with ants and the accompanying ant bites. The next lines are taken directly from the report:
“Fortunately, Abeba was found alive and well. She was lucky to be bitten by ants and not by hyenas or other wild animals. Many such children are found too late. Most suffer from malnutrition and different illnesses. She was lucky that someone cared for her immediately and took her to the authorities. She was more likely to suffer from neglect, malnutrition, or lead a difficult life if she was not placed in an adoption agency. She has no one to care for her or raise her. She needs to be adopted into a loving family to help her heal her emotional scars this abandonment might bring in the future.”
To abandon your child in this fashion is beyond my understanding. I do struggle to empathize with the mother, regardless of each imaginary scenario my mind creates. Yet, my position is not one of judgment because I am sure she had her reasons.
Adoption is a rollercoaster filled with moments of confidence and consternation. I can label the present as a moment of confidence. A moment where I know adoption is the right thing to do.
On another note, I'm happy to report that our online shop has generated over 20 sales! Please continue to share the website and help Path to Acacia take off! Killeen and I have added some new items... check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia.
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