Through Acacia's Eyes - By Patrick

On Saturday, we visited the 10^th annual African and Caribbean festival in Manchester, NH. With Acacia (the name we will give to our adopted daughter) on the way, it only seemed logical to begin immersing ourselves in African culture and take advantage of what few opportunities New Hampshire has to offer. The event boasted food, dancing, and music as this Bizarre sprung up on Elm Street, serving as a cultural mirage to the ethnocentric desert of New Hampshire.

As we walked around I tried to look through Acacia’s eyes. At this moment, I was simulating her world. I was a minority and the entire day I would be aware of this. The smell of food was so elating (even the meat), and it was time to indulge. We secured a large piece of pineapple upside down cake and devoured it underneath the pavilion facing the stage. I was later told it wasn’t pineapple upside down cake, but a desert that contained the fruit and we ate it upside down.

Before long Zinnia’s sugar rush demanded that she depart from our comfortable patch of grass. She was up, she was happy, and she was running way. Like minutemen whose 60 seconds had arrived, Killeen and I rose to intercept her.

When we reached her a small black child was standing next to her. He smiled at her with a mouth full of decaying teeth that were quickly overshadowed by the warmth of his eyes. His smile transformed to a mischievous grin as he pulled Zinnia’s hat right off her head. He placed the pink sunhat on his own head. My muscles tensed as I watched my daughter’s bewilderment. I was first a protective father who sensed that his daughter was in danger. Then something deep inside hijacked my mind and filled me with fear. I saw flashes of summer’s spent in the Ozarks with cousins that believed blacks to be lesser people. I saw flashes of my neighborhood where my best friend of color was constantly watched with suspicion. These feelings and images were fragments from the soil of a childhood that was fertilized for the cultivation of stereotypes. “This little boy was stealing my daughter’s hat, because blacks are thieves.”

Quickly coming to my senses I regained composure and realized that he wasn’t stealing her hat. He was playing a joke on her. He ripped the hat off his head and then took turns placing it on Killeen and my head. His grin then returned as he once again reclaimed the hat, placed it back on Zinnia’s head, and gave her an enormous hug. This ritual repeated several times as Killeen and I stared on. Our trance was only broken by my arm, operating via autopilot, tapping Killeen with her camera in an effort to catch the moment. Thank you arm.

After the boy ran away, two things were obvious to me. The first was that I still harbor many of the stereotypes learned from my childhood. In time, I know I will be able to control and potentially eliminate the influence of these past thoughts. Second, I am not alone. Once Acacia has arrived, I will experience similar interactions from another perspective. However, simple and everyday actions that Acacia takes may have the same effect on others. As her father, I’ll need to say, “She’s just playing a game. She likes to take hats to get a reaction.” Of course this could all be solved by raising a child that doesn’t play jokes on others. Then again….have you met me?

On another note, I'm happy to report that our online shop has generated over 20 sales! Please continue to share the website and help Path to Acacia take off! Killeen and I have added some new items... check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia.

Just Checking In. - by Killeen

It's been just over a month since my last post, so here's my attempt to keep the momentum going.

Summer has that nature of being busy, even when it seems like we've avoided making very many plans. Parenthood continues to present me with new challenges and new rewards. There are some moments when, as only a parent could truly understand, one asks herself, "Why, exactly did I want kids??? Why did I happily give up my sane, single lifestyle for a constant stream of chaos, mess, neediness (and laundry)?" Of course, those parents also understand how absolutely flooring it is to watch their children develop a sense of the world, a sense of self, and even a sense of humor. Zinnia tells jokes now- and THAT is worth all the mess in the universe to me.

It's those times when Zin and I share a laugh that I know it's not insane to be adopting kiddo #2. Yes, I look at the mom in the grocery store with the tantrum-throwing toddler and the crying, car-seat-laden infant and know that despite all my delusional confidence that I will NEVER be THAT mom... it's inevitable. I'm about to have my world rocked. I think my time with Patrick is scarce now, but just wait... right? Regardless of all that fear, and all those moments of "can I really do this?", Acacia will one day need me as much as Zinnia does. And, Zinnia will continue to need me, too. And, I will find a way to make it all work, because what choice to I otherwise have?

I'm an only child, and so is Patrick. And while I had the constant reassurance as a kid that brothers and sisters were the worst, it's in my adult life that I feel very empty for not having a sibling bond. Not even an in-law sibling bond. I cannot wait to see Zinnia meet her sister for the first time. She might not have the reaction I am idealistically envisioning, but to me, it will be really, really beautiful.

That moment is my motivation right now. Path to Acacia, in the sense of the business, is 9.00 away from hitting the $500 mark for sales. However, after a HUGE surge of orders at work (thank you!) including a bridesmaid order (double thank you!)... I'm left asking, "What now?"

I work for a retail company, so I know that July is a very, very low-spending month. But, the blooms must go on. To counter my own busy schedule I've generalized my postings on Path to Acacia's webpage. Barrettes have proved to be the most popular item in the last 2 months, and pretty much everyone that's ordered has picked a color, and told me to roll with it. In other words, people are more excited about wearing their flowers for Acacia than they are concerned about whether that flower is a daisy or a pansy or a dahlia. This lackadaisical attitude towards the purchase has proved to me that instead of posting each flower exactly as it exists, I can give a general idea of what the product is, and the customer will trust me to deliver something desirable.

It's been a long week, and after a few rewarded cocktails, I think I might be past the rambling stage. So before I get too sappy, or too personal, I will summarize:

Parenting is the hardest, and best thing I've ever experienced... and I can't wait for Acacia to get here.

Etsy site (the Path to Acacia website) is under a new format, barrette wise. I have 5 different color palettes posted- check it out, and share with your friends, please!

One last thing, and probably the most important thing to any of you that read this (and if you made it this far, gold star to you)....
We had our fingerprinting appt. a few weeks ago. Our dossier (fancy term for the NOVEL of paperwork that we must compile and send to our adoption agency) is complete once we get a mere few documents in the mail from Central Immigration Services. We are SO close to being on that waiting list. Right now, we've got about 50 people ahead of us in "line." Adoptions are happening at a rate of between 0-10 per month, I'd say. So, there's no telling how long we'll wait, but the first step is being able to "wait" at all. :)

Thanks for reading! http://www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia

Good thing I like flowers... (by Killeen)

...because I'm all but swimming in them. It's been a really busy month for Path to Acacia, with over $300 in sales! It's been hard to juggle the full time job, the 18 month old beauty running circles around me, making all the flowers, and constant trips to the craft store for more supplies. But, the goal at the end of the proverbial path is keeping me motivated.

I've made several custom orders, which is a little more work (as I'm still building my flower bank and often don't have what I need on hand) - but is by all means my favorite way to work. I love seeing just the right flower on just the right person. :)

I've recently added headbands to this collection of floral fancies. They are by far the most dramatic selection of the adult-sized accessories, and they're really fun to wear. Check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia. And, if you'd like something custom, I will gladly work with you to create the right look.

And there you have the business report for Path to Acacia. As for the adoption, we're getting our medical letters notarized this week, which actually involves BRINGING a notary with us to the doctor's office. They sure don't make this stuff easy. The department of homeland security has cashed our check for fingerprinting, so we should have that appointment scheduled soon, and then... it all gets sent for review, and we should be officially on the list of waiting families.

Thanks for following - stay tuned for more updates soon.

Almost Ready to Start the Wait. - by Patrick

The adoption paperwork has been a much slower process than I expected. Let us say that I was a bit cocky about our ability to be the fastest family in history to complete the process. We’re now approaching another world record for adoption paperwork, that of which I’ll keep to myself. However, regardless of the speed, the paper pushing is nearing an end. Soon we will assume our place on the list of families waiting for a referral. Right now there are 56 families waiting for this magical news. On average there are 3 families a week that receive a referral. While the wait will take time, we are still in the pre-waiting room. Compare it to the security screening for suspicious items by the TSA before you are even allowed to wait for your flight.

Currently we are completing an adoption course focused on the medical conditions of our child. While the training is dry for the typical reading time of 9pm, the information will be a great reference when Acacia is in our home. What has been most impacting is the sample police report for transferring a child to the orphanage. In this scenario, which is described to us as typical, the police were notified of the discovery of an abandoned infant. She was named Abeba which means flower because she was found in a garden. Two women were heading past the garden when they heard a baby’s cry. They approached the sound and found a baby wrapped in a cloth. Her umbilical cord was attached to her belly, she was covered with ants and the accompanying ant bites. The next lines are taken directly from the report:

“Fortunately, Abeba was found alive and well. She was lucky to be bitten by ants and not by hyenas or other wild animals. Many such children are found too late. Most suffer from malnutrition and different illnesses. She was lucky that someone cared for her immediately and took her to the authorities. She was more likely to suffer from neglect, malnutrition, or lead a difficult life if she was not placed in an adoption agency. She has no one to care for her or raise her. She needs to be adopted into a loving family to help her heal her emotional scars this abandonment might bring in the future.”

To abandon your child in this fashion is beyond my understanding. I do struggle to empathize with the mother, regardless of each imaginary scenario my mind creates. Yet, my position is not one of judgment because I am sure she had her reasons.

Adoption is a rollercoaster filled with moments of confidence and consternation. I can label the present as a moment of confidence. A moment where I know adoption is the right thing to do.

On another note, I'm happy to report that our online shop has generated over 20 sales! Please continue to share the website and help Path to Acacia take off! Killeen and I have added some new items... check them out at www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia.

The adoption paperwork has been a much slower process than I expected. Let us say that I was a bit cocky about our ability to be the fastest family in history to complete the process. We’re now approaching another world record for adoption paperwork, that of which I’ll keep to myself. However, regardless of the speed, the paper pushing is nearing an end. Soon we will assume our place on the list of families waiting for a referral. Right now there are 56 families waiting for this magical news. On average there are 3 families a week that receive a referral. While the wait will take time, we are still in the pre-waiting room. Compare it to the security screening for suspicious items by the TSA before you are even allowed to wait for your flight.

Currently we are completing an adoption course focused on the medical conditions of our child. While the training is dry for the typical reading time of 9pm, the information will be a great reference when Acacia is in our home. What has been most impacting is the sample police report for transferring a child to the orphanage. In this scenario, which is described to us as typical, the police were notified of the discovery of an abandoned infant. She was named Abeba which means flower because she was found in a garden. Two women were heading past the garden when they heard a baby’s cry. They approached the sound and found a baby wrapped in a cloth. Her umbilical cord was attached to her belly, she was covered with ants and the accompanying ant bites. The next lines are taken directly from the report:

“Fortunately, Abeba was found alive and well. She was lucky to be bitten by ants and not by hyenas or other wild animals. Many such children are found too late. Most suffer from malnutrition and different illnesses. She was lucky that someone cared for her immediately and took her to the authorities. She was more likely to suffer from neglect, malnutrition, or lead a difficult life if she was not placed in an adoption agency. She has no one to care for her or raise her. She needs to be adopted into a loving family to help her heal her emotional scars this abandonment might bring in the future.”

To abandon your child in this fashion is beyond my understanding. I do struggle to empathize with the mother, regardless of each imaginary scenario my mind creates. Yet, my position is not one of judgment because I am sure she had her reasons.

Adoption is a rollercoaster filled with moments of confidence and consternation. I can label the present as a moment of confidence. A moment where I know adoption is the right thing to do.

On another note, I'm happy to report that our online shop has generated over 20 sales! Please continue to share the website and help Path to Acacia take off! Killeen and I have added some new items... check them out at http://etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia

No News is (still) Good News - by Killeen

In our adoption agency's manual, we were cautioned about when to announce that we were adopting. Because processes can move so slow, we were presented with the notion that it can become frustrating to continuously answer "no, we haven't heard anything yet..." as we wait for our child.

We have a long way to go, and maybe I'll answer this differently in another few months, but for now I am not the least bit discouraged by inquisitive friends and family. There may be nothing new to report pertaining to the progress of our actual adoption, but every conversation I have about the process in general gives me a surge of excitement. I get a lot of different questions and comments, and I feel like I learn more about how the experience is affecting me with each insightful discussion. I am surprised by how many friends mention their own desire to adopt. To help influence another couple/person to adopt a child of their own is something that means as much to me as my own adoption does. Patrick and I hope that this blog will not only help our fundraising efforts, but also help to educate others about adoption in general. The motivation to adopt is something that can only come from within, but I think the kick-start relies on external factors.

So, where was I?? I suppose it's untruthful to say that there is nothing new to report... We did recently receive our homestudy evaluation. A homestudy is where a local social worker visits and interviews us, collects information on our financial, health and family background, and puts together a report that recommends us as adoptive parent candidates. It was pretty cool to see in writing that we pass as "good parents." It seems funny to have to go through such a rigmarole to prove our capabilities when just one look at Zinnia is all the proof a person should need. Surprisingly, the report only mentioned once that Zinnia was a delightful, well adjusted infant. While the focus of the write-up was completely on us, I'd like to think Zinnia made it easy for the social worker to deem us fit for parenthood. All the same, it was interesting to see that when all was said and done, the notoriously "scary" homestudy was actually just the social worker's shot at portraying us in the most positive light she was able. I forget sometimes that, second to the best interests of our prospective child, all parties share the same goal: finding a willing, able family for a child without.

On another note, I'm happy to report that our online shop's Facebook debut generated 6 sales! 4 of those sales were to people I did not know, which means that those who shared the website on their own pages are responsible for our success! As a result, I've been able to purchase more supplies to help to get a good inventory base of hats and barrettes established, as well as some labels to help with advertising. Please continue to share the website and help Path to Acacia take off! I've added some new items... check them out at http://www.etsy.com/shop/pathtoacacia. I wore some of my new pansy clips out yesterday, and received flattery from a pedicurist, a grocery clerk, a few children, and even a Harley-esque biker. Doesn't get more honest than that, right? :)